9 years old playing with my friends 

Two days later dying in a bed 

Mother sobbing 

Father questioning 

Machines beeping 

​

9 years old dying in a bed 

5 surgeries later I don’t remember any friends

Medicine pumped in and out 

Air pushed through my mouth 

​

When I finally wake 

I sob, I don’t know who I am 

Or why this woman is calling herself “my mom”

These people are weird 

They're trying to make me “remember”

And then they force me back into

slumber

9 years old dying in a bed, 

2 weeks later sent back to my bed

I don’t understand 

Why my life is this way, 

How did I end up this way 

​

5 new scars, 5 new patches 

Daily weigh ins 

Handfuls of meds 

All so I can “live again” 

​

Will I ever truly live though 

Now that I am afraid to breathe 

“What if it hurts” 

“What if I have to go back on life support”

 

How do I know that I will be okay

​

God how did I end up this way 

​

9 years old dying in a bed

And 10 years later, still afraid that a pain in my chest means

that I will soon be dead.